Friday, April 29, 2011

Just because I run

does NOT make me better at being a ball hockey player!

When I first got involved in ball hockey it was thru an old girl friend of Kevin's. She was so excited to have me say "yes" to being on their team. She told me "It's going to be GREAT to have a runner on the team!!".  Uh oh, I thought. I should have quit right then! That was expectation in her comment. I was going to be expected to perform . . . ahh I've never played before . . . remember?? I told you . . .

So I filled in my forms, sent away my cheque and waited for the season to begin. Which brings us to

LAST NIGHT

and our first game. I was less nervous than I thought I'd be. I'm getting a lot better at new people and new situations. More confident in my ability to navigate socially now. I'm getting closer to "maybe not caring so much about what people think" . . . ya right! Note blog title about "my bubble" I love to believe my own little thoughts lol.  My  "not caring"  involved me volunteering to be the beer bitch first night AND offering to put myself in net if the goalie didn't show up . . . trying to get people to like me?? maybe just a little . . .

Anyway . . . not nervous about meeting the team or playing the game for the most part. I keep wondering if maybe I should have at least tried putting my hands on my stick and knocking a ball around a bit . . . a little late for that now as I sat in the dressing room.

I warm up my legs a little, thankful that I've been running regularly. Roll my ankles every direction - warm them up, silently praying that I don't twist one. I even bought a new pair of running shoes to wear to play ball hockey but didn't wear them because I was afraid of twisting my ankle in a new shoe. Someone might be just a touch paranoid?? Helmet is on - should have worn that around the house a bit to get used to seeing past the cage. Out on the floor we warm up a little. I try to move the ball around with my stick and loose control of it instantly. Aha this will be fun! Run around with the stick and the ball. Can I do it - yup I can. Won't be pretty but I can try.

Details aren't necessary here - Second shift is mine - it starts and I run like hell for 2 mins., get back on the bench gasping for breath, then back out on the floor run like hell, then back on the bench - DYING this time. Gloves all wet and sweaty - ewww gross. Back out on the floor - run, not so much like hell this time. Back on the bench, legs rubbery, sit down. Back out on the floor - oops shouldn't have sat, legs are no longer working. Continue to try to "run". After the next shift, I realize my legs are fine now. A few more shifts and breathing is "normalizing" which really just means my body is using the oxygen more efficiently now while I run like hell. I am happy to know that the whole body adjusted to this game (and the gross wet gloves which I don't notice anymore)   :-)

Back in the dressing room after the game I congratulate myself on a first time ever game of ball hockey in which I did not embarass myself. I ran, I played, I went after the ball, I touched the ball with my stick, I fought for the ball. I did good. Bloody HOT AS HELL AND SWEATING TO DEATH but the cold beer went down nicely as I tore off helmet, gloves, jersey, tshirt, shinpads, socks, shoes  ugghhh . . . sat there in shorts and bra top. Good game!

Next one next Thursday - 10 p.m.  AHAHAAHHAAHHAHAA
I'm usually in bed at that time . . .

Saturday, April 23, 2011

"ME" Time

I typically walk Blue every morning for 3 kms. We go at a quick pace. When I first started these walks with Blue I hated them. Cold and dark and I was tired. 6 a.m., freezing cold, tromping through snow, sometimes windy. Me dressed in multiple layers - snow pants, sweaters, winter coat, winter hat, scarf. Man it was bad some days. But he needed the walks. And in January, Kevin went away to work which left me solely repsonsible to get Blue's walks in. I know I adjusted. Some days I hated them but most of the time I felt better afterwards. Little did I know I would eventually HAVE to have them in life because I had created a new habit.

A few days after Kevin came back, he ended up being awake early with me. (Yes unusual - he's a sleeper whereas I am a morning person.) So Kevin, thinking he was being nice and helping me out, said not to worry about Blue, he would take him for his walk. I said uhm ok . . . and then 3 minutes later I said, ahh no, it's ok I'll take him. I want, no need to take him. In those few minutes I realized that my day NEEDS to start with that walk now. I had ingrained a good habit that made me feel better all around. I didn't know it until that moment though. Never once had it occured to me that I had created this habit. Not until someone tried to take it away from me.

I have read many different places and many different times that it takes about 30 days to create a habit. Until now I never realized how true that was.

Sure I could stay in bed but I would be missing out on my morning exercise. The company of Blue - not talking back lol, birds singing, the quiet of the paths without the busy-ness of people, the lack of lots of car traffic. It is peaceful and it makes me feel soo good. Not in a euphoric way but in a subtle way. It's MY time. Time that is being used in a good way. Not in front of computer or tv - that is not enjoyable in the same way.

What is your "ME" time? If you don't have one - GET ONE!

We, as women especially, don't do enough for ourselves. We do A LOT for everyone else. Our family - be it kids or husbands or parents, our jobs, our friends even. Sometimes it is hard for us to say "No I'm sorry I can't". But in order to be a complete happy person ourselves we must find our own time or our own thing. We must make it priority. We deserve that. You must make time for it or it won't do you any good. It has to be YOUR thing.

Recently I almost gave in to a Sunday ball team that I wanted NOTHING to do with. Kevin played on it last year and we discussed it in the winter and I had said no we can't play on it this season because of all our other commitments. If he wanted to play for that team, then we had to give up another one. Seems he forgot we had that conversation and semi committed. I reminded him we had this conversation and I didn't think it was a good idea and definitely not a good idea for me. All week I pondered this team and what I was going to do and how hard I would put my foot down. It was worrying me because I usually do everything Kevin wants. But I knew it would eventually cause problems and make me angry. So later I asked him about it again and he said "No, I'm not doing it. I told them I could come out to sub but not commit full time." YES! I like it when he actually listens to me and my concerns.

The moral of this story is that it reminds me that WE really do know what's best for us but we override our gut feelings to do what we "think" we should be doing instead. Don't always think - just do! Find something for you and do it regularly. We need down time and stress release too.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Reality Bites!

Long story short, I hate my job. I know a lot of people say that. I keep hoping I'll find a way to like it. I do things differently. Try to find ways to correct the problems. Try to find solutions for things to run smoothly. Try to change myself. I'm still unhappy. It actually reminds me of a loveless marriage. I no longer derive any joy and it's been like this for years. It's not a new thing.
I like the people, I like helping others, I like it when things go well but more often than not, things are shit. It's not like I haven't tried. Put in my time. I've been in customer service, accounting, "management", looking after everything and everyone for a very very long time.

I think I'm done.

I derive more joy from helping people help themselves than I realized. A few years ago I toyed with the idea of getting the training and certification for fitness training, nutrition etc. But I didn't. But lately I've been thinking about it again. I spend a lot of time doing this. Research and writing my emails and now blogs. In the long run I think there might be other options out there better suited to me now.

Back in the day, my job was a necessary part of life. Don't get me wrong, it is still. But the difference is my children are no longer small and we are not 100% dependent on my job to sustain our lives, if you know what I mean. My job has always just been a paycheck. I tried to make it more but it didn't give back to me in any meaningful way. I think I need a position, job, career that will give back to me in SOME way.

This will not be an instantaneous thing . . . just some thoughts I needed to voice. Put out there. Make real.

Because until you make it real, it is just a pipe dream. You've got to do something about it.

Monday, April 18, 2011

An apology . . .

For those adoring fans of my writing, I need to apologize for being so quiet. I know you are somewhat used to hearing from me on Mondays . . . But I had a bit of a busy weekend and then ran out of time. I also don't have my thoughts organized yet.  :-( 

I've been doing a lot of reading and it seems to have all vanished into my brain and is refusing to come out. I have a few ideas for a couple of posts but it will take me a few days at least to get it put together. So in the meantime, you're getting this sorry excuse for a post.

Keep strong, eat well, walk when you can, take it one day at a time.

And btw if I don't start getting some damn comments I'm going to have go back to emails where you people were being somewhat sociable!

I must go and get some sleep. I've semi promised myself and Blue a run in the a.m. If you would like another read, here is my latest post about our last run  last run with Blue.

Good night Jon boy . . .

Friday, April 15, 2011

I just spent a couple hours reading scientific nutritional articles . . . aaahhhh. My mind is now blank, deadened, seeing stars, I'm not sure but it's like nothing is there it's so overloaded, lol.

I may have something interesting to write about over the weekend and have one of my spectacular written diatribes to send out!

In the meantime, let's discuss my running . . . I stopped running in November 2010 to "heal" read more here . I ran a couple times in early March. Nothing again until last week. So I started out nice and slow . . . 2.5 km, 3 km, 4 km, and have kept it at that. 5 runs at those varying distances. I haven't worried in the least about the actual distance - just got out there and got it done. So far I'm happy about how I feel running. That's always a good thing!

Last night I met D, (not using names until I'm told I'm allowed)  for a run so she could do her speedwork. I decided I would try to do an "easy" set of sprints around the track. I need to get my legs ready for the upcoming summer sports season. They need to be primed and ready to go for the jarring starting and stopping of baseball and now ball hockey.  (Yes, ball hockey!! More on that later - super excited.)  So anyway - jarring legs . . . participating in sports, out of the blue, tend to leave a person with pulled muscles. Not fun. First of all, it hurts, all the time, even doing regular daily stuff. Second of all, you usually have to stop playing the sport for a while until its calmed down a bit. Which totally sucks! So sprints it is. And full leg warm ups before playing - don't forget that!

So back to sprinting - I did one easy straight run around the track. Next 2 laps alternating 100 metres sprinting, 100 metres slow run. Last lap slow run. We ran to and from the track. Total distance (including sprints) I believe was 4.17 km .  It was a really nice run. The sprints hurt just enough to let me know I had done some work and the run, as always, was a great chat fest for me! Legs have a slight ache to them today but does not affect me in anyway except to remind me I had a good workout. Glad we went. I'm so glad one of us has a goal so I can benefit by getting my butt off the couch! Thx D!

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Unintended Posting

I never intended on writing today but something came up which requires me to comment. Surprise surprise!

I was told the following by someone who I regard as extremely confident and organized, someone full of drive and determination, someone I look up to:


" . . . I feel like I'm working hard but I'm not seeing the results. There's a lot of things I could do better, I know that..... And I just want some time to set my own goals big and small. I feel like a bit like an unguided ship. That's not exactly true. I feel like I have a lot of guidence but no control if that makes sense. . ."

This is a great thing for all of us to stop and think about in our hectic lives. I need to throw my thoughts out there. My response would have been:

You have the vessel, you have the time, unlimited fuel, a full crew, navigation (guidance) system but NO DESTINATION. You are cruising around the world aimlessly and feeling like you aren't getting anywhere. Not getting the satisfaction of accomplishing a goal. You need to stop, pick a destination (and a few pit stops along the way) and then PLAN THE ROUTE. Map it out. That is your "control".

Lots of people will suggest different goals or activities and they all sound awesome and you want to do them all but that's not reality and definitely not under control. You need to pick the ones that are most important to YOU. Take the time to decide what your priorities are. There is always next year, and its not that you are putting something off negatively only living in reality.

Don't pick your goals based on others. You may feel "guilty" for not doing what a particular person wants but it's not about them it's about you and what is best for you. This is not selfishness. If you are not happy, nobody else will be.


Once again I am reminded that you do not know what is actually inside people. Unless they tell you their feelings, you are making assumptions. I think we can all relate to the above. We all have goals, sometimes they are clear and other times like mud. It's all mental and emotional. Physically your body will do whatever your mind tells it to. It's up to us to decide what is priority and positive for us as individuals.

We should all take some time to prioritize things in our lives. Can be in any area . . . work, fitness, health, eating, personal growth, spiritual growth, family, etc.  And don't forget that priorities change over time. What's important one month (day, week, month, year)  can change the next!

Think about it over the next few days and take some time to put it down on paper. Doesn't have to be fancy. Just scribble it down and leave it somewhere to remind you once in a while. And don't forget to map it out!

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

LUNCH!

This is my lunch today:  Not sure if you can tell but the bowl is the size of a large serving bowl, not a small cereal bowl. To the left is the coffee maker and right is electric kettle. Nice large salad, its huge - once you get used to seeing this you forget how big it is until someone sees you!  You couldn't eat your grain carbs this large! How many calories in a typical sandwich or wrap that you are eating for lunch? Did it have this many veggies, this much protein. NOT!

Lunch is one whole head of romaine lettuce, one whole sweet red pepper and a can of tuna in water. Yes, the whole can. Protein is good. Yes mercury can supposedly be a problem, but that's if you eat it every day I think.   Total Calories330, Protein: 30g, Fat 7 g (due to salad dressing,  Carb 22g (13 g for the pepper and lettuce - 9 g due to Kraft salad dressing because they insist on adding SUGAR of all things and I didn't bring my own).

Normally I don't track my calories/food etc. But since I want to get back on track and start my body burning FAT instead of CARBS as fuel, I need to keep the carbs low to teach it to burn my body fat. (more on that when I get organized).   So I am tracking. And I am using  http://www.myfitness.pal/  as the tracking website. It syncs to both pc and mobile. You can take pics with your phone camera of the barcode of product, it will find it and automatically put it into your list of foods. I used it for my can of tuna today. Not that you should be eating many foods with a barcode . . .

Enjoy your day!

Monday, April 11, 2011

I'm Baaaack!

So after 1-1/2 yrs approx. I am back on this blog. For the lone one or two people that might have been reading - HI! Hope all is well!   For all my friends - you never even knew I HAD this blog lol. Welcome!

To pick up from late August of 2009 . . . I continued to run after seeing an ART therapist. Fixed myself up for the most part and ran my first marathon in October 2010. Loved it. Had a recurring pain after that point that I could not seem to shake. Took a big break - 3 months to be exact. Went back to my guy . . . he told me to stop being a dumbass - I did NOT have an injury, I just had weak glute muscles - "get in the gym!" he said. Damn!! Couldn't I please, pretty please, have an injury??

That was January 2011 . . . it is now April. Ask me how many times I went to the gym? How many squats I have done? How many lunges? Hmmm . . . I'm hearing silence. That's right!  a big fat 0 - zero, nada, not a one! So do I still have the pain you ask? I can hear your surprise right now when I say: "Why YES! I do have that pain. Isn't that great!??"  I just spent 3 MORE months procrastinating . . . Well, that is over.

It all starts with today. Today I start eating properly (more to come on that - that's a biggy for most people to wrap their heads around). Today I do a body scan that will tell me more than I ever wanted to know about my body composition and more (like my mirror isn't good enough??) So over the next couple of days I will come up with a plan for my muscles. Hmpf . . .

The best part is that I won't be doing it alone. I have a whole posse following along with me . . . right ladies?!? I know you want to . . . come on . . . deep down . . .