My 30 days is up! I can start reading again. But . . . here's the thing - I don't want to :-)
The amount of progress I have made this past month is phenomenal and I don't want that to end.
I'm pretty sure that all the self help reading was keeping me from seeking within my own person to find the appropriate answers. It was keeping me from my own personal and spiritual growth. I do believe that some reading (research) is necessary to help with a subject or situation you may be unfamiliar with but reading continuously about the same subject over and over and over is NOT valuable research.
So here we are 30 days later and the question is What Has Changed? There are a few things which have changed in my life. And all POSITIVE!! As opposed to the negative that I was expecting ;-)
My ability to manage my thoughts has increased. I am more able to contemplate the circumstances, ask myself questions that lead me to the true thoughts and/or answers underneath. I now ACT on my thoughts instead of reacting.
My confidence has increased. Now I find that I can actually speak my opinions out loud to other people more often. I am not as nervous while speaking. My heart races for only a few seconds as opposed to a few minutes. I have less fear.
Time! I have more time for things I want to do because I'm not obsessing over useless things. I have time to read for enjoyment! I have time to read to learn new things! I have time to do hobbies, sports, enjoy my family, explore new things, including myself and what I want from this life.
Happiness and Joy! For lack of better words. I am not dwelling on problems as much and not as irritable. I deal with the issue and move on and therefore no baggage left weighing my heart down. I can find the joys in life more easily. I don't feel constant pressure to solve all of life's problems. I feel like I understand that circumstances will come up and that I will be able to handle them when they do. I feel optimistic.
Please don't get me wrong!! I have not changed that completely, that easily, that quickly! That's just crazy talk!! I still think, obsess and analyze my "problems". Only now I believe it is to a lesser degree and a more positive type of thinking that results in answers and I feel certain in my ability to cope with it all. And maybe that is the key! Coping. The other day a friend emailed me a quote:
" . . . the only normal people are the people you don't know that well."
She said to me, " . . . confirms that most people are living with all the craziness, so stop worrying so much about it . . .".
And she's right.
And of course, today there is a quote on Facebook that sums it up for me and the fact that I thought I was alone because I cannot see everyone else's craziness, just like I suppose nobody saw mine either ;-) :
"The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel." ~Steve Furtick
Every day I learn to cope a little more which lessens my worry. The funny thing I was thinking about after reading the above was that there are really people out there that do not worry about things the way I do. Who do not analyze every moment of every day of their life. People who just live, who do not wonder if what they are doing is "right" or "wrong". People who know that there isn't a right or wrong only a "what's best at that moment".
I wonder if I can ever be one of them . . . if I will ever stop obsessing . . .
but even more intriguing to me . . .
I wonder when I started doing it???
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