And the challenge begins!

Mood is low, fighting the urge to self-medicate with "self help" stuff lol.

Check in - Sunday afternoon I walked the dog to the library to return my 3 books. Unread.

That hurt. A lot. As I stood in my doorway, with one book in hand, I contemplated keeping it. Just that one and read it that night and start my 30 days on Monday. It was a book called - The Power of Intention. It was Perfect! Since I had resolved to live "intentionally" how could I not read this book explaining how to live intentionally !!?? I actually had an argument with myself about it. In the end, I put it in the bag with the other two and headed out the door.

It is a 10 minute walk to the library. Within 3-4 minutes of leaving my house, my heart started to beat faster. My brain was saying, "But WAIT you need those books! Are you sure this is a good idea? You just got them. You haven't finished yet. Turn around, go home. They are going to help you fix your life, help you find what you're missing, find your perfect fit with the world. This isn't right . . ." etc, etc.


I need to make names for the different sides of me talking . . . Right now I'm going to call the other side my "soul". The soul knows deep down what is good for you. It is your brain that tries to over-rule it. I am trying to live life listening to my soul.


So any way, my soul was telling me to keep going. It was telling me - "No, you don't need the books. You are strong, you know exactly what you are doing. Just listen to your gut, your soul. You will be ahead in the long run."


This is how I felt on the 10 minute walk to the library. When I got there, I quickly shoved the books in the drop box, afraid I'd change my mind. Once home I buried myself into other activities to keep my mind off this whole thing.

I know that the first few days are pretty "easy". You can stop anything for a couple days. It's the long term that's going to get me. The little sneaky things . . . the before bed reading . . . the articles that pop up in my email because I'm subscribed to a website that sends it out automatically . . . the "spiritual" blog updates that I get (but that's not really self help is it ;-) ) . . . the "need" to read about a problem I think I'm having in order to "fix it" (avoidance) instead of meeting it head on and dealing with it. So many ways.

So right now, I am a full 4 days into my 30 day self help elimination. I am fighting some urges but so far so good. There is a saying that without changes and challenges and pain there is no personal growth. And growth is necessary in life. :-)