As I sit here trying to force out a blog post, I look out the window and see that light snow flakes are falling. How pretty and peaceful. I think I need to watch them for a bit because earlier this morning, I saw the beginning of what looked like a gorgeous sunrise and ignored it. Why did I ignore it? I was trying to force myself to write. So I think I’ll try to not miss the first snow I have seen this season. Take some time and enjoy it.
The snowflakes are the tiny ones but lots of them. They are falling without purpose, the ones that don’t seem to be heading in a specific direction. Some float around, others move quickly to the ground, some seem to be headed sideways. A little bit like life. You move at different speeds and directions at different times of your life in all aspects – physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
The past couple weeks I’ve been dealing with some stuff. It’s that stuff which I’ve been trying to do a post on. But it just won’t come out right. I was trying to push it out this morning because I had quiet alone time and thought it would be perfect! Nope. I just couldn’t write. Physically I could write but mentally it wasn’t working. Nothing sounded right. The universe was trying to teach me a lesson:
You cannot force things to happen in life. It does not matter what it is. Everything will happen as it is supposed to.
For the past two weeks I have tried to force things in my life.
I tried to “schedule” my time. Actually list my to-do’s and put times for each thing. It backfired pretty good. I learned that I can’t schedule my stuff that explicitly. Pick the most important ones, get them done and the rest fits in between. Balance.
I tried to “do it all” now. I thought about all the “wants” in my life. I have so many new things I want to experience. The list is pretty big. I want to do it ALL and NOW. I thought I was going to. I listed everything and made plans in my head about how I would go about it. I was excited. Then reality hit – you cannot do everything all at once! Slow down. Baby steps. Balance.
I got mad at my life. I turned into the victim. Woe is me, I have to do everything, nobody helps me, why do I have to work, there’s never enough time, and the world is against me. Waaa, waaa, waaaa. This led to sadness. This led to de-motivation. This led to sitting around doing nothing, moping, mad at the world and myself. Then things fell apart even more as nothing got crossed off my to-do list and I didn’t even do the things I wanted and then the guilt set in. This led to feeling overwhelmed and stressed.
Then I had a moment of clarity. I LOVE those!
I realized I had just pressured myself right into a bad place and needed to find my way back. This meant finding my BALANCE. How to do this? It starts with taking time for ME. Not doing anything – possibly even my “wants” since sometimes those are pressure – my blog for instance. Take the pressure off. Escape into my space. Turn on music really loudly and blocking out the world. Sing loudly and dance. Do whatever works for you. Have fun. Rest. Turn off the brain. Find your balance.
It might take 5 minutes, an hour, a day, a week, a month, a year. Who knows? Just find it.
Take time for yourself, completely for yourself. With you happy and at peace the rest falls into place. You somehow gain the energy and drive to find the time to fit all the other things in. Even when it doesn’t all fit in, you smile and feel good because you know you did the best you could and you’ll find the time for the rest eventually. Balance.
Without balance we fall over – physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
ONE MONTH!!
I just realized that is ONE MONTH since I went cold turkey on my self help materials. I did it!
My 30 days is up! I can start reading again. But . . . here's the thing - I don't want to :-)
The amount of progress I have made this past month is phenomenal and I don't want that to end.
I'm pretty sure that all the self help reading was keeping me from seeking within my own person to find the appropriate answers. It was keeping me from my own personal and spiritual growth. I do believe that some reading (research) is necessary to help with a subject or situation you may be unfamiliar with but reading continuously about the same subject over and over and over is NOT valuable research.
So here we are 30 days later and the question is What Has Changed? There are a few things which have changed in my life. And all POSITIVE!! As opposed to the negative that I was expecting ;-)
My ability to manage my thoughts has increased. I am more able to contemplate the circumstances, ask myself questions that lead me to the true thoughts and/or answers underneath. I now ACT on my thoughts instead of reacting.
My confidence has increased. Now I find that I can actually speak my opinions out loud to other people more often. I am not as nervous while speaking. My heart races for only a few seconds as opposed to a few minutes. I have less fear.
Time! I have more time for things I want to do because I'm not obsessing over useless things. I have time to read for enjoyment! I have time to read to learn new things! I have time to do hobbies, sports, enjoy my family, explore new things, including myself and what I want from this life.
Happiness and Joy! For lack of better words. I am not dwelling on problems as much and not as irritable. I deal with the issue and move on and therefore no baggage left weighing my heart down. I can find the joys in life more easily. I don't feel constant pressure to solve all of life's problems. I feel like I understand that circumstances will come up and that I will be able to handle them when they do. I feel optimistic.
Please don't get me wrong!! I have not changed that completely, that easily, that quickly! That's just crazy talk!! I still think, obsess and analyze my "problems". Only now I believe it is to a lesser degree and a more positive type of thinking that results in answers and I feel certain in my ability to cope with it all. And maybe that is the key! Coping. The other day a friend emailed me a quote:
She said to me, " . . . confirms that most people are living with all the craziness, so stop worrying so much about it . . .".
And she's right.
And of course, today there is a quote on Facebook that sums it up for me and the fact that I thought I was alone because I cannot see everyone else's craziness, just like I suppose nobody saw mine either ;-) :
"The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel." ~Steve Furtick
Every day I learn to cope a little more which lessens my worry. The funny thing I was thinking about after reading the above was that there are really people out there that do not worry about things the way I do. Who do not analyze every moment of every day of their life. People who just live, who do not wonder if what they are doing is "right" or "wrong". People who know that there isn't a right or wrong only a "what's best at that moment".
My 30 days is up! I can start reading again. But . . . here's the thing - I don't want to :-)
The amount of progress I have made this past month is phenomenal and I don't want that to end.
I'm pretty sure that all the self help reading was keeping me from seeking within my own person to find the appropriate answers. It was keeping me from my own personal and spiritual growth. I do believe that some reading (research) is necessary to help with a subject or situation you may be unfamiliar with but reading continuously about the same subject over and over and over is NOT valuable research.
So here we are 30 days later and the question is What Has Changed? There are a few things which have changed in my life. And all POSITIVE!! As opposed to the negative that I was expecting ;-)
My ability to manage my thoughts has increased. I am more able to contemplate the circumstances, ask myself questions that lead me to the true thoughts and/or answers underneath. I now ACT on my thoughts instead of reacting.
My confidence has increased. Now I find that I can actually speak my opinions out loud to other people more often. I am not as nervous while speaking. My heart races for only a few seconds as opposed to a few minutes. I have less fear.
Time! I have more time for things I want to do because I'm not obsessing over useless things. I have time to read for enjoyment! I have time to read to learn new things! I have time to do hobbies, sports, enjoy my family, explore new things, including myself and what I want from this life.
Happiness and Joy! For lack of better words. I am not dwelling on problems as much and not as irritable. I deal with the issue and move on and therefore no baggage left weighing my heart down. I can find the joys in life more easily. I don't feel constant pressure to solve all of life's problems. I feel like I understand that circumstances will come up and that I will be able to handle them when they do. I feel optimistic.
Please don't get me wrong!! I have not changed that completely, that easily, that quickly! That's just crazy talk!! I still think, obsess and analyze my "problems". Only now I believe it is to a lesser degree and a more positive type of thinking that results in answers and I feel certain in my ability to cope with it all. And maybe that is the key! Coping. The other day a friend emailed me a quote:
" . . . the only normal people are the people you don't know that well."
She said to me, " . . . confirms that most people are living with all the craziness, so stop worrying so much about it . . .".
And she's right.
And of course, today there is a quote on Facebook that sums it up for me and the fact that I thought I was alone because I cannot see everyone else's craziness, just like I suppose nobody saw mine either ;-) :
"The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel." ~Steve Furtick
Every day I learn to cope a little more which lessens my worry. The funny thing I was thinking about after reading the above was that there are really people out there that do not worry about things the way I do. Who do not analyze every moment of every day of their life. People who just live, who do not wonder if what they are doing is "right" or "wrong". People who know that there isn't a right or wrong only a "what's best at that moment".
I wonder if I can ever be one of them . . . if I will ever stop obsessing . . .
but even more intriguing to me . . .
I wonder when I started doing it???
Friday, November 2, 2012
Spellbound
This morning I saw this quotation on Facebook. What a nice surprise! Very fitting because it was exactly what I had planned on doing today - telling you all about a joyous positive thing that happened to me! Again!
A real novel book! And I liked it! And it took me about 2 weeks, not 2 years!
Another first in a long time ;-)
Let me start with the fact that I bought this book 2 - 3 months ago based on one sentence mentioned in an awesome blog I read. I had no idea what it was about. She said it was good. I bought it. Never looked at it again. Then a couple weeks ago, after giving up my self help books, I needed to read something. I thought I'd try this one.
The book is called The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield.
I was hooked by this book from the very beginning. I would read it at every opportunity. I would read it in bed, past my bedtime, eyes stinging, until I fell asleep with it in my hands.
From the beginning, I was drawn to the narrator's love of books and reading. The way she spoke about it resonated with me. I was excited to hear what she would say next. One of the first lines that got me was:
“For I was spellbound. There is something about words. In expert hands, manipulated deftly, they take you prisoner. Wind themselves around your limbs like spider silk, and when you are so entralled you cannot move, they pierce your skin, enter your blood, numb your thoughts. Inside they work their magic.”
And then: “For me, to see is to read. It has always been that way.”
That is me – 100%.
The thing I love about books is the fact that everyone can read the same book and come away with a totally different experience from it. Where you are in your life at the time can change what you interpret from the book. This is one major reason why I disagree with people dissecting books, trying to ascertain what the author meant and telling you that is the only version. Firstly, no one “knows” exactly why the author wrote the book and secondly, it is not about that, it is what the reader takes away from it that matters. Like a piece of visual art or music. It is all art and up for personal interpretation.
The Thirtheenth Tale is a suspense story about authors, families and the “ghosts” in their closet. The amazing thing for me is that I got so much more out of this book than the story written on its pages. Not all books can do that to you. Some truly are just the story you read with nothing behind it. To me a great book "works their magic" inside you. This one did that to me. A part of the story is about two sets of twins. What I connected with was the way the author described the feelings and thoughts of the twins but instead of connecting with my own physical twin, I was connecting with my inner self! I connected to the things the characters said but in a totally different context! It hit me as I though I had said or thought these same things over the years. About myself and others, the different thoughts and/or feelings I have had. All about the completely different circumstances in my own personal life.
Oh the multiple light bulb moments that went off all through this story. I can’t even explain! I have multiple highlighted sections all through this book and my next project is to expand on them all in written form. I feel like I have so much to say! Yet right now, right here, if I started to do that, you would have no frame of reference in which to build on, so a lot of it may not make sense. In fact, what I wish to accomplish with "writing" about this is not to rehash or review the book but to clarify the highlighted parts in my own way, what they meant to me and what feelings and opinions they evoked in me.
So this means, I must leave it for another time. Maybe I can share it, after I have been able to put it into words that will make sense to everyone. A brand new writing project for me. So exciting!
If only I can stop reading long enough to write . . . . .
I finished a book!!
A real novel book! And I liked it! And it took me about 2 weeks, not 2 years!
Another first in a long time ;-)
Let me start with the fact that I bought this book 2 - 3 months ago based on one sentence mentioned in an awesome blog I read. I had no idea what it was about. She said it was good. I bought it. Never looked at it again. Then a couple weeks ago, after giving up my self help books, I needed to read something. I thought I'd try this one.
The book is called The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield.
I was hooked by this book from the very beginning. I would read it at every opportunity. I would read it in bed, past my bedtime, eyes stinging, until I fell asleep with it in my hands.
From the beginning, I was drawn to the narrator's love of books and reading. The way she spoke about it resonated with me. I was excited to hear what she would say next. One of the first lines that got me was:
“For I was spellbound. There is something about words. In expert hands, manipulated deftly, they take you prisoner. Wind themselves around your limbs like spider silk, and when you are so entralled you cannot move, they pierce your skin, enter your blood, numb your thoughts. Inside they work their magic.”
And then: “For me, to see is to read. It has always been that way.”
That is me – 100%.
The thing I love about books is the fact that everyone can read the same book and come away with a totally different experience from it. Where you are in your life at the time can change what you interpret from the book. This is one major reason why I disagree with people dissecting books, trying to ascertain what the author meant and telling you that is the only version. Firstly, no one “knows” exactly why the author wrote the book and secondly, it is not about that, it is what the reader takes away from it that matters. Like a piece of visual art or music. It is all art and up for personal interpretation.
The Thirtheenth Tale is a suspense story about authors, families and the “ghosts” in their closet. The amazing thing for me is that I got so much more out of this book than the story written on its pages. Not all books can do that to you. Some truly are just the story you read with nothing behind it. To me a great book "works their magic" inside you. This one did that to me. A part of the story is about two sets of twins. What I connected with was the way the author described the feelings and thoughts of the twins but instead of connecting with my own physical twin, I was connecting with my inner self! I connected to the things the characters said but in a totally different context! It hit me as I though I had said or thought these same things over the years. About myself and others, the different thoughts and/or feelings I have had. All about the completely different circumstances in my own personal life.
Oh the multiple light bulb moments that went off all through this story. I can’t even explain! I have multiple highlighted sections all through this book and my next project is to expand on them all in written form. I feel like I have so much to say! Yet right now, right here, if I started to do that, you would have no frame of reference in which to build on, so a lot of it may not make sense. In fact, what I wish to accomplish with "writing" about this is not to rehash or review the book but to clarify the highlighted parts in my own way, what they meant to me and what feelings and opinions they evoked in me.
So this means, I must leave it for another time. Maybe I can share it, after I have been able to put it into words that will make sense to everyone. A brand new writing project for me. So exciting!
If only I can stop reading long enough to write . . . . .
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