Sometimes Life Sucks

Yep, that's true.

Just when you think you've started doing things right, getting your shit together, exercising and eating better, you're thinking positively  . . . something comes along and knocks you down. Sometimes it's just a little nudge and other times it's like a huge horse came along and kicked you right in the head. You think you'll never get up. But don't give up! You'll be ok. Fight through whatever it is. Know that you have the power to push through. We are all strong.

Things like the excessive heat and humidity can take their toll too. We've had quite a few very hot runs lately. We've done well. Remembered our water. Cut our pace down a bit. Cut our distance on Sunday even. It was just too hot. A couple of tips for summer exercising: drink some extra water the day before and then hydrate again after you work out. During your workout don't drink too much that you end up with cramps. On the hot runs, I usually pour most of my water over my head and down my back/chest to cool myself off. Drink little mouthfuls only.

Kids are another stress factor during the summer. Out of school and back at home all day. You've got to find things for them to do, keep them active and cool at the same time. Playdates with other parents & kids is probably a good idea - a picnic in the park, a trip to a park with a river to play at the edge, throw rocks, find minnows and crayfish. Occasionally you need a complete break. Switch off with another parent - they take your kids one time, then you take theirs another day.  Or a "movie afternoon". Set the kids up with a movie and popcorn and a drink. Hey you could even have them make pretend tickets and money like a real theatre. I admire you mothers/parents who stay home all day with your kids! I'm not sure I could do it lol. Sometimes when I come home to mine the irritation starts immediately . . . maybe it's because they are teenagers and "should" be able to take care of themselves!

Eating, I find, is hard sometimes. You just run out of ideas! Or it's hot and you don't want to cook. Or you don't have the groceries in the house. Ugh! I do this all the time. It's actually easier to have the groceries and make up containers of already cut veggies and fruit to snack on. Yesterday I had company for lunch and it was so hot. I had no idea what we were going to have. I ended up grabbing a tray of veggies and some chicken breasts. BBQ'd the breasts with salt & pepper, garlic powder, oregano and a little bit of olive oil. Made a garden salad and potato salad. That was lunch. Even my kids raved.

MY kids are 19 & 16 yrs old and they are 100% capable of looking after themselves. But they don't!  I come home and they ask what's to eat, I'm starving, didn't eat today, nothing in the house, etc, etc. I tell them all the options they had all day and they look at me like I'm crazy . . . it's sooo much woorrkkk mom! Or oh wow, I didn't even think about that, I don't think about putting things together like that . . . blah blah blah.

It goes like this - open the fridge, take a look at all the food you have and just start putting things that you feel like eating on a plate. Then eat it! It doesn't have to be your standard "meals" or sandwiches or other stuff you buy from restaurants. It is supposed to be food. And that's what's in your house. Drop it on a plate, in a bowl, sautee it up in a pan and start eating! The worst thing that happens is you hate it and don't put that combination together or you LOVE it and make it again. I have a co-worker who "lovingly" calls my throw-together lunches "slop". lol.

This was such an all-over-the-place post but I'm at work and just felt the urge to post. I think that is what happened to me this year. All my emails from the past year were mostly composed at work and now that business is improving and we've picked up here, I'm not able to put so much time into it.  :-(  Too bad because I think we're all missing out! I know I miss it. But I'll try.

Have a good rest of your day everyone. I should really get back to work. Everyone is all over the place in the summer and I am out of town for my annual men's baseball tournament from Thursday to Sunday night. "My boys" weekend. Heeheee - I'm excited!   So enjoy your week and weekend and maybe I'll be back to post next week!

P.S. It's IRONMAN WEEKEND - GOOD LUCK CATHY!!!  You'll do AMAZING!

Well . . .

First off, I really need to work on my "titles" of these posts. How boring!

Well . . . I have been eating like crap. Not crap per se . . . but just very little interspersed with crap (McDonalds Big Mac on Monday for lunch!!). The reason for this is my lack of drive and motivation has stopped me from grocery shopping, therefore no real eating.

Not really eating breakfast, then having salad for lunch and I'm not even sure what I've been having for dinner! lol. I have been eating eggs for breakfast, lunch and dinner when necessary lol. So easy.

With baseball Mondays and Tuesdays directly after work lots of the days, I've been meeting my husband at a restaurant for a beer and food before the games. Crap!  (That's stopping effective immediately! That's how I gained 30 lbs. when I first started dating him!)

"Quick" fast-food burgers out sometimes for lunch or dinner. Crap!

And when I'm at home and don't have appropriate real food in the house, I just don't eat.

All of this needs to stop. Immediately.

Effective now - uhm nope Friday - uhm nope - Saturday! Yes, Saturday! Effective Saturday groceries will once again be brought into the house. Meals will be planned and prepared. Life will return to normal.

On a another positive note, I have done my running. I ran 3 times last week. Then I ran trail on Sunday with friends and some new ladies. Which was great because they have been racing some of the trail races I have on my "one day" list, so it was nice talking to them about it. I ran with Blue on Tuesday morning before work. I will run tonight after work and Saturday and Sunday! Glad to get that back on track. I have my whole schedule planned and stuck to my fridge.

Hope everyone else is doing great. And I'm thinking about "our Ironwoman to be" and hope things are on track for you!!  Heading into taper I assume . . .

Hi to everyone and don't forget to comment!

I think I'm having what they call a "Mid-life crisis" . . .

I knew I’ve needed something different for a long time. Years even. Something to excite me; to make every day worthwhile. Somewhere along the way I decided it must be my job that needed to change.

As I went along trying to figure out how to change my job I realized that all “jobs” are basically the same, especially since I’d just be jumping jobs not changing my “career”. So then that lead to the idea that it must be my “career” that needed to change. I needed to get out  of my “career” into something totally different. Yep, that’s the key, I thought to myself. That will fix everything.

So I throw myself into thinking about, researching new careers, education, job opportunities, starting my own business etc. I jumped onto that bandwagon full force. I spent weeks on that. I came out with an idea, made some decisions, planned it out and then waited for the pieces to fall into place. As I calmed down and reality set back in, I realized that I wasn’t even sure I actually wanted to do what I’d been planning.

Now that this reality set in I felt a little disappointed. Now what?, I thought. Now I’m not doing anything and I have to do or change something to be happy, remember?? Get on it. Figure it out. I felt out of control of my own life.  Depressed. I was feeling desperate for something, anything, to come to me.

Light bulb appears over my head. MOVE! That’s it! I need to move. There’s the change I need. I’ll move to Yellowknife for a while, live off the job there, find another one, work while doing the schooling I needed for my original plan above. Moving forces me to change careers and I need the help to get me into action. Another perfect idea!  Except one big obstacle – family. I have a family that needs to be considered in this. Hmmm . . . So I start to figure out how to deal with that. I talk to my daughter, I check out the high school so she can come with me. I play everything out in my head. It works. Except deep inside I hear some faint screaming. No you can’t do this. It’s not in the plan. You made a promise.

Promise. Plan.  Shit, where did that voice just come from?? Ahhh yes, the original original plan. The promise I made to myself about 5-6 years ago. The one I have been keeping because it is very very important to me:

“I will start my life, doing what I want, once I have raised my children and gotten them through high school.”  I brought them into this world and it is my responsibility to help them get to the adult world. After that they are on their own. My last 20 yrs have been dedicated to them. That was my passion, my job, my responsibility, to raise them the best I could with what I had. After that, my life becomes my own.

I have 2 years left in the “plan”. Only 2 years. I need to stick to the plan. As I thought this through I realized that it was ok. My plan to change careers and move, etc. wasn’t as much about me as I originally thought. I was only making that decision based on “needing to change something” but there was a missing piece of the puzzle though – a big one – I didn’t want the eventual outcome. Thinking about the end result didn’t make me happy. It just changed my career and job and not to something I wanted. It would be no better than what I was doing now. I decided the best action I could take is to spend the next 2 years actually planning for “my life” instead of jumping at the first thing I think of just because I’m desperate, which is what I had been doing.

I have since been reading and researching and soul searching to find out who I am. Still processing. Still learning but the biggest “Aha” moment I have come to so far, is this:

It is not about jobs or careers or what other people want or expect, etc. It is about making changes within yourself to do the stuff you WANT to do for you personally. Find out what makes you HAPPY. Fulfilling your needs and wants. Doing the things you enjoy. Once you find those things and do them regularly, you will be happier in all areas of your life. Even the job you once thought you hated becomes tolerable (possibly even likeable again) because it’s not your job that defines you or your life. Doing what makes you happy should. Changing your job or where you live is not going to “fix” your unhappiness. It might feel like that in the beginning but you’ll end up doing the same things you always do except you are in a different location.

Trying new things you think you might like, trying things you never thought you wanted. While taking the time for yourself and trying out everything you may find what you love to do, what gets you excited and you may find out what you hate, which is good too. Once you find the things, you make sure you take the time to do them everyday. And if those actions lead to a new career or a move or both then lucky you. If not, you’ll still be happily fulfilling yourself wherever you are.

Kicking myself in the ASS now!

I can't believe I did this. I put off running over and over again. Not today I'm tired. Not today it's raining. Not today I should take a rest day off (because of all the sports). Not today, not today, not today.

Well here we are now at the "real start" of training season for the Run for the Toad 25km Trail Race and take ONE GUESS WHO'S NOT READY!!??? Good lord . . . Why do I do this to myself?

I don't want to get hurt. I don't want to get a stupid injury because I didn't bother to run on a regular basis over the spring. So this is my tiny venting and then I'll let it go. There's nothing I can do about now.  I can only try my best and see what happens.

On a positive note, I have been walking almost twice a day for 6 months. At least I haven't been a couch potatoe. I figure the walking has to count for something. Lately though it has been very short walks.  :-(

My main concern right now is how long and how often to start back in. I ran once a week for 2 weeks - 5-6 km ish. Then this weekend I ran 6.5 kms Saturday and 5.5 kms Sunday. Felt good. Feet were a little sore - going to have to remember to roll them  . . .

My schedule tells me that starting next week I should run 24 km total for the week. Yikes! Uhmm . . . 12 kms last week + 10% rule =  13.2 kms this week. HAHAHAHA!

Guess I'll spend a little time revamping this schedule. And by a little, I mean half an hour tonight!  I think I might just revamp it to only go to 20 kms (not 22 kms as suggested) as my longest run in training and just wing the last 5 kms on race day. That way the lead up can be a little less all the way through.

I'll run tomorrow a.m. 3-4 kms and Friday a.m. same. Longish run sometime Sunday . . .  hoping for the best . . .  wish me luck . . . and call me Dumbass!

Wow

A month has gone by.

I knew it was bad. Sorry guys!

I've been doing quite a bit of personal reading, research and soul-searching. Not too much though . . . don't want to get too close to that!

I'm not really any closer to answering my problems but I am feeling a little more at peace. I don't know where I am headed but am confident in my ability to make choices and listen to my inner voice.

I also do not know where this blog is going. So it might end up to be a stream of random thoughts. It might change focus from post to post. But I will be posting.  :-)   and that makes me happy that I can confidently say that.

Have a wonderful day and watch out for the next post.

Toodles

Just when you thought it was safe . . .

I pop up and burst your bubble with reality. A post about food on a Friday afternoon of a long weekend. Don't you just hate me!!??!!

So you are all aware of my "crazy" eating habits. Nobody understands how I can even survive a day without BREAD (swooning) and pasta! are you crazy? How in the world can you run and play sports?? Without pasta?? Wow . . . but anyway. I do run and play sports with unlimited energy. You all wonder how in the world I survive my days and all the stuff I do . . . it's because I eat REAL FOOD not processed FAKE "food". I even HATE putting the word "food" beside processed because I don't want you thinking that "processed food" is food because its not.

I do occasionally eat JUNK. Yup I do. Sugar is my addiction. I try very hard not to let it control me. I am going on at least 3 years trying not to go overboard on sugar. One year of almost all real foods only (paleo-ish).  But sugar is my downfall. In junk food. I don't care about table sugar - I never crave that. I just wanted you to know I'm not ironwilled and that yes, I do eat some junk.

Now before you close off your mind because I'm on a soapbox . . . hear me out. My intention is NOT to preach, it is to help. So I end my tirade right here. . . . with a link below to a great article on junk/snack foods and why we love them. So take 10 mins, open your mind and actually READ the article.

This isn't intended for you to fret over and not enjoy yourself. It is a learning tool to help you think consciously about the things you put in your mouth.

Have a great long weekend! And enjoy it. . . . you know I will!

Why Snack Food Is Addictive . . .

Sun, Sun, Mr Golden Sun Please Shine Down on me (us!) . . .

The best I can do for everyone is to say . . . there will be some sun this weekend.

I’m not going to tell you how long it will last or how warm it will or won’t be. But I will say sunshine will arrive. The thing about the sun is that somehow it makes everything better – ever notice that? I love sun. My mood improves so much when the sun comes out. Especially in the spring. I think we just get so subdued all winter and especially late February and March. Then the temperature goes above zero and we get the odd warm day . . . and the odd rainy day. Then we get the rain which means spring. Spring smells amazing . . . when it comes. The sun is great but when it is paired with that smell I feel like I can take on the whole world. It makes me giddy.

If there was a way to contain that feeling and sell it, I’d be a very rich woman. But if that was the case, eventually it would be always available and you would not feel it as special anymore. So we need to learn to not only “get by” during the crappy weather times but to thrive.

Rain. It’s been raining here in Ontario for days. It has been grey and rainy for so many days that it actually feels like weeks on end. Funny how that happens. Who can remember the last sunny day? I actually think it was last Monday. But I don’t get out much . . . so I can’t be sure.

Back to the rain, lol. Rain is beautiful – for a day once in a while we think. We always want it sunny. But we NEED the rain. The rain is cleansing. It cleans up the streets and sidewalks. It makes everything GREEN. The grass is growing sooo much. Did anyone else notice that the tree buds came out seemingly overnight on the weekend?? And in the past two days the trees are green and actually have small leaves? No? Take a look out your window. Watch the trees as you’re driving. It looks so nice. And it smells clean. What – you didn’t notice? That’s because you’re avoiding the outside. GET OUT THERE! Notice that your kids got a bit excited and hyper even though there is rain? They know what’s coming. They can’t wait. Watch your dogs as you walk them, they’ll stop and stick their noses in the air to smell the air. They can smell it coming too. I walk Blue in the mornings . . . it seems to be mostly clear of rain in the wee hours of the a.m. I know most of you probably don’t want to be up at 6 a.m. but it is quiet, clean, and not pouring rain. It feels really good to get in a half hour walk (or a run for those of us that do that) or even better – just stand or sit outside on your porch and have your morning coffee. Listen to the birds. Watch the squirrels and rabbits (if you are so lucky to see them). Check out the worms and snails. I have seen more worms this week than the past few years because I’m up when they are . . . no wonder I’m seeing so many birds!! I see all the worms and I want to catch them and go fishing! Oh!! And this week I have seen multiple red cardinals . . . HERE in Mississauga! In the middle of the city! Do you know how RED the cardinals look against the black asphalt or green grass?? Vivid . . . Exquisite. Love it!

And Blue Jays!! Listening to the Blue Jays always makes me feel happy. I grew up my middle years (5 yrs to 12 yrs old) in Hamilton – Steel Town. I grew up near the steel factories. I walked by them to and from school. My grade school K-5 was 3 blocks down from the plant! I know there were trees there somewhere but not like here. So I think the Blue Jays always remind me of coming to visit my grandparents here in Mississauga. I think of good times and good food. I think of seeing my extended family. I think of wandering about Streetsville with my siblings by ourselves, hiking down to the Credit River, catching crayfish. When I hear a Blue Jay, I get a warm and fuzzy inside, deep in my belly, in my soul. My grandparents are long gone but I don’t feel sad when I hear the Blue Jays, I feel good.


That and the cicadas in the dead heat of summer. The sound they make. I can't even describe it but you know it when you hear it. Cicadas always remind me of summer at my grandparents too. I don't think I EVER heard a cicada in Hamilton. Ever. For most of my life, it was a noise I ONLY associated with Mississauga. For the first time a few years ago I actually SAW what a cicada looks like. Kinda took away from the joy initially, but very interesting. Lol.


Crows – I’ve been hearing some crows as I’ve walked Blue too. Crows . . . remind me of camping. Love camping . . . hate the crows cawing in the mornings, so early and you really want to be sleeping, but dammit the nylon tent walls really don’t block a single noise! Lol. Even the crows have made me happy. Birds are out in the rain no matter what. You still hear their songs . . . be it beautiful or annoying.


Why? Why Michele? You ask incredulously . . . why happy with all this rain? Because it means the spring is here. It means everything is renewing including our souls. Everything is growing. It means summer is on its way. It means we have at least four months to come without snow and below zero temperatures.


It means running and having a nice drizzle keeping you from exploding from the heat.

It means some lazy days in bed with your spouse, or your kids, or pets or books, enjoying a slight cool breeze coming in your window. Smell that?

Take a look outside your tent, trailer or back door. Look at the droplets of dew or leftover rain on the big green leaves of the trees. Are you smiling?

Walking through the woods (big or small) after a rain fall . . . listen to the droplets falling from leaf to leaf or to the ground – plop. Peaceful. That’s what I hear.

The little creeks and brooks around you or on a hike with your kids . . . they wouldn’t be there if it didn’t rain. Listen to them gurgling and flowing.

AND PUDDLES!! I loved puddles as a kid. I probably still do if I didn’t care about my feet getting wet. Or if I owned rubber boots (which by the way will be my next purchase). Splashing in puddles. Remember doing that?? Oh ya . . . you do, I know it. I can feel it. I can see you smiling! Actually I was in rubber boots and splashing through puddles like a six year old . . . probably about 2 years ago while camping. Damn if I had a pic I’d put it up. We went camping, my kids and I and my sister and her two kids. God it rained. It rained like it is this week. Almost the whole week. I had borrowed rubber boots (Thanks Alicia!). They were black with white polka dots – classic. I wandered around the campground in those boots and tight bike shorts and jacket and probably a baseball cap. Someone likened me to a cheap prostitute (might have been my teenage son) lmao! I tromped thru puddles on purpose! IT WAS FUN! I had boots! I wasn’t wet and cold, it was awesome! The other time to stomp thru puddles is a great summer storm . . . the heat and all of sudden it starts raining but the sun is still shining and everything is sparkling and so warm and the big drops of rain hitting you and the big puddles that form. Get ready for this . . . I know you guys did this. . . you RAN in the house, put your bathing suits on and WENT BACK OUT IN THE RAIN!! And you JUMPED in the PUDDLES! Damn right you did! It was fun.


Life is about FUN.

Don’t waste it complaining about stuff you have no control over (the weather).

The rest of it – you have control over – take control. Don’t waste your life by not taking control of how you spend your time and your life.

HAVE FUN AND ENJOY YOURSELF!

Whirlwind

The past few weeks have been what could be called a whirlwind.



Not in that exciting, happy, new romance kind of whirlwind. More like a blowing, turbulent tornado where you never know where you'll be from one minute to the next.


I had grandiose writing plans . . . I had lists in my head of things to do. Somehow it seemed that those "things" should only take 20-30 mins each - max! Ummm not so much. Once I found "some time" I realized it was going to take hours for some things. Hmpff . . . that sucks. So I guess I'll work at them little by little.



Along with those few things I wanted to write (still not done btw), I wanted to start brainstorming and researching possible new careers. For me this is a problem because I see this as a priority. A "fire" if you will. Mainly because I don't want to waste any more time and will need to apply to a program for the September start. Which means I need to figure this out quickly. That and I hate waiting. I always want to do "it" now. Whatever "it" is - they all seem like a "great idea!" at the time I think about it but once reality sets in I can usually see the not so great things about it. So I'm usually very happy that there is some reason I am not able to do things "right now" be it time, money, other commitments. But maybe I would have done more and experienced more things in my life if I could have just done everything whenever I wanted. But as always "no regrets".


So my past 2 weeks have gone something like this: work all day, checking things out on the internet during "lunch" and "breaks" (and maybe some other times in there when I was supposed to be working but shhh don't tell anyone). Then go home, race thru dinner and whatever home responsibilities really had to be done (not too many I thought were important lol). Then onto the computer. What really happened was I'd get maybe an hour . . . which an hour of internet time really isn't much . . . then all of a sudden I'd realize I was late to go to sleep. Ugh! Then the next day it started all over again. It was like the movie "Groundhog Day".


All in all, it made me feel useless at everything! Nothing was ever actually completed. I haven't done real grocery shopping in weeks! Writing - not done. House cleaning - not done. Work - not done to the level it should be. Career research - nearly done. :-) So at least I've accomplished something!


The best part about it happening now is that the hockey playoffs are on right now so basically Kevin does not care one iota that I have been distracted and not "around" lol. He's been watching hockey every single night. My son is out of town and my daughter is on the laptop in front of the computer with me! So my family hasn't noticed too much - except maybe the lack of real dinners or food in the house. lol.


So . . . that's it for today. Just thought I'd do an update, let you all know I am still around. I am hoping to one day be back to "normal". Alright, alright, stop laughing.

Just because I run

does NOT make me better at being a ball hockey player!

When I first got involved in ball hockey it was thru an old girl friend of Kevin's. She was so excited to have me say "yes" to being on their team. She told me "It's going to be GREAT to have a runner on the team!!".  Uh oh, I thought. I should have quit right then! That was expectation in her comment. I was going to be expected to perform . . . ahh I've never played before . . . remember?? I told you . . .

So I filled in my forms, sent away my cheque and waited for the season to begin. Which brings us to

LAST NIGHT

and our first game. I was less nervous than I thought I'd be. I'm getting a lot better at new people and new situations. More confident in my ability to navigate socially now. I'm getting closer to "maybe not caring so much about what people think" . . . ya right! Note blog title about "my bubble" I love to believe my own little thoughts lol.  My  "not caring"  involved me volunteering to be the beer bitch first night AND offering to put myself in net if the goalie didn't show up . . . trying to get people to like me?? maybe just a little . . .

Anyway . . . not nervous about meeting the team or playing the game for the most part. I keep wondering if maybe I should have at least tried putting my hands on my stick and knocking a ball around a bit . . . a little late for that now as I sat in the dressing room.

I warm up my legs a little, thankful that I've been running regularly. Roll my ankles every direction - warm them up, silently praying that I don't twist one. I even bought a new pair of running shoes to wear to play ball hockey but didn't wear them because I was afraid of twisting my ankle in a new shoe. Someone might be just a touch paranoid?? Helmet is on - should have worn that around the house a bit to get used to seeing past the cage. Out on the floor we warm up a little. I try to move the ball around with my stick and loose control of it instantly. Aha this will be fun! Run around with the stick and the ball. Can I do it - yup I can. Won't be pretty but I can try.

Details aren't necessary here - Second shift is mine - it starts and I run like hell for 2 mins., get back on the bench gasping for breath, then back out on the floor run like hell, then back on the bench - DYING this time. Gloves all wet and sweaty - ewww gross. Back out on the floor - run, not so much like hell this time. Back on the bench, legs rubbery, sit down. Back out on the floor - oops shouldn't have sat, legs are no longer working. Continue to try to "run". After the next shift, I realize my legs are fine now. A few more shifts and breathing is "normalizing" which really just means my body is using the oxygen more efficiently now while I run like hell. I am happy to know that the whole body adjusted to this game (and the gross wet gloves which I don't notice anymore)   :-)

Back in the dressing room after the game I congratulate myself on a first time ever game of ball hockey in which I did not embarass myself. I ran, I played, I went after the ball, I touched the ball with my stick, I fought for the ball. I did good. Bloody HOT AS HELL AND SWEATING TO DEATH but the cold beer went down nicely as I tore off helmet, gloves, jersey, tshirt, shinpads, socks, shoes  ugghhh . . . sat there in shorts and bra top. Good game!

Next one next Thursday - 10 p.m.  AHAHAAHHAAHHAHAA
I'm usually in bed at that time . . .

"ME" Time

I typically walk Blue every morning for 3 kms. We go at a quick pace. When I first started these walks with Blue I hated them. Cold and dark and I was tired. 6 a.m., freezing cold, tromping through snow, sometimes windy. Me dressed in multiple layers - snow pants, sweaters, winter coat, winter hat, scarf. Man it was bad some days. But he needed the walks. And in January, Kevin went away to work which left me solely repsonsible to get Blue's walks in. I know I adjusted. Some days I hated them but most of the time I felt better afterwards. Little did I know I would eventually HAVE to have them in life because I had created a new habit.

A few days after Kevin came back, he ended up being awake early with me. (Yes unusual - he's a sleeper whereas I am a morning person.) So Kevin, thinking he was being nice and helping me out, said not to worry about Blue, he would take him for his walk. I said uhm ok . . . and then 3 minutes later I said, ahh no, it's ok I'll take him. I want, no need to take him. In those few minutes I realized that my day NEEDS to start with that walk now. I had ingrained a good habit that made me feel better all around. I didn't know it until that moment though. Never once had it occured to me that I had created this habit. Not until someone tried to take it away from me.

I have read many different places and many different times that it takes about 30 days to create a habit. Until now I never realized how true that was.

Sure I could stay in bed but I would be missing out on my morning exercise. The company of Blue - not talking back lol, birds singing, the quiet of the paths without the busy-ness of people, the lack of lots of car traffic. It is peaceful and it makes me feel soo good. Not in a euphoric way but in a subtle way. It's MY time. Time that is being used in a good way. Not in front of computer or tv - that is not enjoyable in the same way.

What is your "ME" time? If you don't have one - GET ONE!

We, as women especially, don't do enough for ourselves. We do A LOT for everyone else. Our family - be it kids or husbands or parents, our jobs, our friends even. Sometimes it is hard for us to say "No I'm sorry I can't". But in order to be a complete happy person ourselves we must find our own time or our own thing. We must make it priority. We deserve that. You must make time for it or it won't do you any good. It has to be YOUR thing.

Recently I almost gave in to a Sunday ball team that I wanted NOTHING to do with. Kevin played on it last year and we discussed it in the winter and I had said no we can't play on it this season because of all our other commitments. If he wanted to play for that team, then we had to give up another one. Seems he forgot we had that conversation and semi committed. I reminded him we had this conversation and I didn't think it was a good idea and definitely not a good idea for me. All week I pondered this team and what I was going to do and how hard I would put my foot down. It was worrying me because I usually do everything Kevin wants. But I knew it would eventually cause problems and make me angry. So later I asked him about it again and he said "No, I'm not doing it. I told them I could come out to sub but not commit full time." YES! I like it when he actually listens to me and my concerns.

The moral of this story is that it reminds me that WE really do know what's best for us but we override our gut feelings to do what we "think" we should be doing instead. Don't always think - just do! Find something for you and do it regularly. We need down time and stress release too.

Reality Bites!

Long story short, I hate my job. I know a lot of people say that. I keep hoping I'll find a way to like it. I do things differently. Try to find ways to correct the problems. Try to find solutions for things to run smoothly. Try to change myself. I'm still unhappy. It actually reminds me of a loveless marriage. I no longer derive any joy and it's been like this for years. It's not a new thing.
I like the people, I like helping others, I like it when things go well but more often than not, things are shit. It's not like I haven't tried. Put in my time. I've been in customer service, accounting, "management", looking after everything and everyone for a very very long time.

I think I'm done.

I derive more joy from helping people help themselves than I realized. A few years ago I toyed with the idea of getting the training and certification for fitness training, nutrition etc. But I didn't. But lately I've been thinking about it again. I spend a lot of time doing this. Research and writing my emails and now blogs. In the long run I think there might be other options out there better suited to me now.

Back in the day, my job was a necessary part of life. Don't get me wrong, it is still. But the difference is my children are no longer small and we are not 100% dependent on my job to sustain our lives, if you know what I mean. My job has always just been a paycheck. I tried to make it more but it didn't give back to me in any meaningful way. I think I need a position, job, career that will give back to me in SOME way.

This will not be an instantaneous thing . . . just some thoughts I needed to voice. Put out there. Make real.

Because until you make it real, it is just a pipe dream. You've got to do something about it.

An apology . . .

For those adoring fans of my writing, I need to apologize for being so quiet. I know you are somewhat used to hearing from me on Mondays . . . But I had a bit of a busy weekend and then ran out of time. I also don't have my thoughts organized yet.  :-( 

I've been doing a lot of reading and it seems to have all vanished into my brain and is refusing to come out. I have a few ideas for a couple of posts but it will take me a few days at least to get it put together. So in the meantime, you're getting this sorry excuse for a post.

Keep strong, eat well, walk when you can, take it one day at a time.

And btw if I don't start getting some damn comments I'm going to have go back to emails where you people were being somewhat sociable!

I must go and get some sleep. I've semi promised myself and Blue a run in the a.m. If you would like another read, here is my latest post about our last run  last run with Blue.

Good night Jon boy . . .

I just spent a couple hours reading scientific nutritional articles . . . aaahhhh. My mind is now blank, deadened, seeing stars, I'm not sure but it's like nothing is there it's so overloaded, lol.

I may have something interesting to write about over the weekend and have one of my spectacular written diatribes to send out!

In the meantime, let's discuss my running . . . I stopped running in November 2010 to "heal" read more here . I ran a couple times in early March. Nothing again until last week. So I started out nice and slow . . . 2.5 km, 3 km, 4 km, and have kept it at that. 5 runs at those varying distances. I haven't worried in the least about the actual distance - just got out there and got it done. So far I'm happy about how I feel running. That's always a good thing!

Last night I met D, (not using names until I'm told I'm allowed)  for a run so she could do her speedwork. I decided I would try to do an "easy" set of sprints around the track. I need to get my legs ready for the upcoming summer sports season. They need to be primed and ready to go for the jarring starting and stopping of baseball and now ball hockey.  (Yes, ball hockey!! More on that later - super excited.)  So anyway - jarring legs . . . participating in sports, out of the blue, tend to leave a person with pulled muscles. Not fun. First of all, it hurts, all the time, even doing regular daily stuff. Second of all, you usually have to stop playing the sport for a while until its calmed down a bit. Which totally sucks! So sprints it is. And full leg warm ups before playing - don't forget that!

So back to sprinting - I did one easy straight run around the track. Next 2 laps alternating 100 metres sprinting, 100 metres slow run. Last lap slow run. We ran to and from the track. Total distance (including sprints) I believe was 4.17 km .  It was a really nice run. The sprints hurt just enough to let me know I had done some work and the run, as always, was a great chat fest for me! Legs have a slight ache to them today but does not affect me in anyway except to remind me I had a good workout. Glad we went. I'm so glad one of us has a goal so I can benefit by getting my butt off the couch! Thx D!

Unintended Posting

I never intended on writing today but something came up which requires me to comment. Surprise surprise!

I was told the following by someone who I regard as extremely confident and organized, someone full of drive and determination, someone I look up to:


" . . . I feel like I'm working hard but I'm not seeing the results. There's a lot of things I could do better, I know that..... And I just want some time to set my own goals big and small. I feel like a bit like an unguided ship. That's not exactly true. I feel like I have a lot of guidence but no control if that makes sense. . ."

This is a great thing for all of us to stop and think about in our hectic lives. I need to throw my thoughts out there. My response would have been:

You have the vessel, you have the time, unlimited fuel, a full crew, navigation (guidance) system but NO DESTINATION. You are cruising around the world aimlessly and feeling like you aren't getting anywhere. Not getting the satisfaction of accomplishing a goal. You need to stop, pick a destination (and a few pit stops along the way) and then PLAN THE ROUTE. Map it out. That is your "control".

Lots of people will suggest different goals or activities and they all sound awesome and you want to do them all but that's not reality and definitely not under control. You need to pick the ones that are most important to YOU. Take the time to decide what your priorities are. There is always next year, and its not that you are putting something off negatively only living in reality.

Don't pick your goals based on others. You may feel "guilty" for not doing what a particular person wants but it's not about them it's about you and what is best for you. This is not selfishness. If you are not happy, nobody else will be.


Once again I am reminded that you do not know what is actually inside people. Unless they tell you their feelings, you are making assumptions. I think we can all relate to the above. We all have goals, sometimes they are clear and other times like mud. It's all mental and emotional. Physically your body will do whatever your mind tells it to. It's up to us to decide what is priority and positive for us as individuals.

We should all take some time to prioritize things in our lives. Can be in any area . . . work, fitness, health, eating, personal growth, spiritual growth, family, etc.  And don't forget that priorities change over time. What's important one month (day, week, month, year)  can change the next!

Think about it over the next few days and take some time to put it down on paper. Doesn't have to be fancy. Just scribble it down and leave it somewhere to remind you once in a while. And don't forget to map it out!

LUNCH!

This is my lunch today:  Not sure if you can tell but the bowl is the size of a large serving bowl, not a small cereal bowl. To the left is the coffee maker and right is electric kettle. Nice large salad, its huge - once you get used to seeing this you forget how big it is until someone sees you!  You couldn't eat your grain carbs this large! How many calories in a typical sandwich or wrap that you are eating for lunch? Did it have this many veggies, this much protein. NOT!

Lunch is one whole head of romaine lettuce, one whole sweet red pepper and a can of tuna in water. Yes, the whole can. Protein is good. Yes mercury can supposedly be a problem, but that's if you eat it every day I think.   Total Calories:  330, Protein: 30g, Fat 7 g (due to salad dressing,  Carb 22g (13 g for the pepper and lettuce - 9 g due to Kraft salad dressing because they insist on adding SUGAR of all things and I didn't bring my own).

Normally I don't track my calories/food etc. But since I want to get back on track and start my body burning FAT instead of CARBS as fuel, I need to keep the carbs low to teach it to burn my body fat. (more on that when I get organized).   So I am tracking. And I am using  http://www.myfitness.pal/  as the tracking website. It syncs to both pc and mobile. You can take pics with your phone camera of the barcode of product, it will find it and automatically put it into your list of foods. I used it for my can of tuna today. Not that you should be eating many foods with a barcode . . .

Enjoy your day!

I'm Baaaack!

So after 1-1/2 yrs approx. I am back on this blog. For the lone one or two people that might have been reading - HI! Hope all is well!   For all my friends - you never even knew I HAD this blog lol. Welcome!

To pick up from late August of 2009 . . . I continued to run after seeing an ART therapist. Fixed myself up for the most part and ran my first marathon in October 2010. Loved it. Had a recurring pain after that point that I could not seem to shake. Took a big break - 3 months to be exact. Went back to my guy . . . he told me to stop being a dumbass - I did NOT have an injury, I just had weak glute muscles - "get in the gym!" he said. Damn!! Couldn't I please, pretty please, have an injury??

That was January 2011 . . . it is now April. Ask me how many times I went to the gym? How many squats I have done? How many lunges? Hmmm . . . I'm hearing silence. That's right!  a big fat 0 - zero, nada, not a one! So do I still have the pain you ask? I can hear your surprise right now when I say: "Why YES! I do have that pain. Isn't that great!??"  I just spent 3 MORE months procrastinating . . . Well, that is over.

It all starts with today. Today I start eating properly (more to come on that - that's a biggy for most people to wrap their heads around). Today I do a body scan that will tell me more than I ever wanted to know about my body composition and more (like my mirror isn't good enough??) So over the next couple of days I will come up with a plan for my muscles. Hmpf . . .

The best part is that I won't be doing it alone. I have a whole posse following along with me . . . right ladies?!? I know you want to . . . come on . . . deep down . . .