Monday, December 17, 2012

YUP!

I know . . . slacking . . . hopefully soon.

Too many things pulling me in many directions at this time of the year. I dislike it.

Bah hum bug!

Meet you back here soon!

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Next project: Learning to be alone with myself

I know - You think it sounds weird but try it . . .

We are never alone even when we are alone. Electronics keep us in touch and frantic. Noise, constant noise. Cell phones, radio, TV's, kids, people, cars, on and on. We don't even realize sometimes. We fill our lives with busy-ness . . . kids activities, our activities, the gym, running, friends, family, emails, texts, phone calls, then life stuff - the "have-to's", cleaning, shopping, cooking, working.


Turn it all off and see what happens. The silence is disarming. Try it one day when your family leaves the house . . . turn off the tv, radio, cell phone . . . sit still for 2 minutes. Let me know how that goes for you.

I know how it goes for me . . . the first ten to twenty seconds are so peaceful! Ahhhhhhhh. And then WHAM!! the brain and a constant stream of thoughts take the place of all the other noises I just got rid of. Stop it! I yell at them. They talk back. This isn't useful, I think, but it is, really truly. It is just learning how to let them go. I'm working on it.

The sitting silently (meditation) is only one small part of my project. It is an ongoing one. But I think it goes hand in hand with learning to be alone with myself and exactly what I mean by that.


Actually I need to revise my project already . . . Learning to be alone with myself and LIKE it!


My husband went out of town today for 3 weeks. As the day progresses, I haven't heard from very many people and I start to feel weird. The weirdness turns into slight panic and anxiety. That feeling drives me to immediately want to call, email or text someone, have some sort of contact or even turn to tv or computer for mind-numbing. It's as if I'm not comfortable with myself - I need to go find someone else to talk to, someone to distract me from this "aloneness" . . .


Why? I ask myself. Ahhh . . . The ultimate question, my soul answers back with a winky face, the answer to that question you have to figure out on your own. And that's when I realize that there is another fairly big step to take in my journey . . . being alone with me. And liking it.


What I mean is relying on myself for everything: entertainment, conversation, love, understanding, happiness, etc. Everything I get from other people - I want to learn to get it from myself.


So the first thing I am doing is feeling the feelings. Then I'll work with them. I'll figure it out. It's been a good journey so far and I have figured stuff out on my own and it makes me feel proud. This will be one more step.