Tuesday, February 12, 2013

February


I hate February.



Yes, I said it. I used the word 'hate'. Yes it is a strong word but really really useful sometimes.


It's Tuesday. I was wishing the week over on Monday morning!! Guess what? It's no better today.


Sometimes it's just that way. I can't seem to find anything to make it better. And work .... well that's near impossible. I cannot concentrate even one little bit. I was done mentally at 11 a.m. today. I've been sitting here making it look good.



February is:

... cold.

... dark.

... depressing.

... blah.

... long (ironically it is the shortest in the number of days).



I feel couped up. I feel sad. I feel bored. I feel antsy. I feel like I want to sleep just so I don't have to think or do anything. I feel mad. I feel restless. I feel lazy. I feel irritable. As I write these descriptions, I realize I am in conflict with what it is that I am feeling exactly!


I guess the questions is: What do I want, really want at this moment? Obviously my insides are searching for something ... and not finding it.


So do I really hate February? Or is that the only thing my brain could come up with to excuse the feelings? I think my brain should stay out of this. I need to feel those feelings. Really stop and live them. Just BE in them until the answer comes to me. Stop and just be. It will come to me eventually. Usually when I'm doing something else and no longer expecting it.


Wow, I love writing. It releases the crazies I have running around inside me. Clarifies and calms me. Almost lays a pathway in front of me to follow.



What releases your crazies?

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